Photo Marlon Vidal

Other than all of the political babble that is going on these days, the hot topic among genders seems to be about relationships. Men and women picking each other apart, picking themselves apart, and trying to make sense as to why they are without someone special.

Recently a friend of mine told me a story about this doctor who got engaged to a hot dog vendor. I thought to myself, If everyone was as real and non-superficial as this doctor then we would all find love, without finding fault with another person’s profession or economic stature.

Another story I heard was about a woman who allowed herself to be talked out of two separate relationships—on two separate time frames—by her friends. Both of the men she was involved with are now married with children. As for the woman who was talked out of being with either of these men, she is still single and in her early thirties. She regrets taking advice from those friends because both men were good to her, but the advice was poison, causing her to deal with her current frustration of being without love.

My male and female friends have had multiple conversations as to what they want in the opposite sex. Both genders want their spouses to be of a certain nationality, a certain height, a certain build, have a certain kind of personality, and have a certain profession in play, or currently working on one. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s okay for individuals to have their preferences, but when does it get to the point where preference goes from reality to fantasy?

The doctor who got engaged to the hot dog vendor, there are people that I have spoken to who won’t even consider a person with such a profession. Is that shallow or preference? I have heard women say they would not even bother dating a man who worked in sanitation because it would just be too embarrassing for them – mainly around their colleagues and family. Is that purely superficial or preference? While most men won’t consider women who are defined as out of shape, I have spoken to women who won’t even consider a guy who is shorter than they are.

Why?

Are these men and women being shallow or superficial, or is this purely preference on their part?

My personal life spews over with reasons as to why I have considered a woman unfit to be dated. Picking out flaws such as bad acne, her not having enough hips, breasts being too big or too small, height (I am not romantically attracted to women who are taller than I am – even if they are gorgeous). Women who wear too much make-up or jewelry are out of my equation, as well. Superficial, shallow or dense women do nothing for me – not even as friends. And my most shallow preference? I used to say that my wife would have to be mixed – Asian and Black or, European and Black. I have grown up and matured a bit, and let go of the idea. Whatever our reasons are for not wanting to date someone, or consider them as a potential spouse, there is a thin line between reality and fantasy.

In a situation where someone has been emotionally stomped on – I get it, I’ve been there and it hurts to the core of the soul when you have been rejected by another—I say do what is necessary and healthy to get over that person and move on to a loving relationship. What has been done to us, should not keep us from finding happiness. We all too often project our emotions of bitterness onto everyone that attempts to enter our world on a romantic or platonic level. If we all remained bitter, vexed, sad, insecure, and broken from what has been done to us then the world would be a miserable place to live.

Life is about constant progression. Take healthy steps to getting where you want to go. Your age is not a factor when it comes to finding healing and progression. As long as there is life in your body, you can always forgive and move on because whoever hurt you is enjoying their life as we speak.